One Kerryman was telling another of his plans to make a lot of money.
'I intend to buy a dozen swarms of bees and every morning at dawn I'm going to let them into the park opposite where I live to spend all day making honey, while I relax'.
'But the park doesn't open until nine o'clock', protested the second Kerryman.
'I realise that', said the first Kerryman, 'but I know where there is a hole in the fence'.

2

Two Kerrymen were working on a building site when one of them fell fifty feet from the scaffolding.
'Are you dead?' asked the first Kerryman.
'Yes', replied the second.
'You're such a liar, I don't know whether to believe you or not', said the first.
That proves I'm dead, because if I was alive you'd never have the nerve to call me a liar', said the second.

3

An English tourist travelling around Kerry was horrified to see a cart loaded with hay, with two Kerrymen sitting on top, suddenly emerging into the narrow road from a field. He jammed on his brakes, but he couldn't stop in time, so in desperation he drove the car over the roadside hedge and into the field, where it burst into flames.
'Bejabers', said one Kerryman to the other, 'some of these tourists are terrible drivers. We only just got out of that field in time'.

4

A Kerryman went to the cinema and, having bought his ticket, went in to see the film. A few minutes later he came back to the box office and bought another ticket. Five minutes later he returned and bought a third ticket.
'Look', said the girl at the ticket office, 'what are you playing at? That's the third ticket you've bought'.
'I know', said the Kerryman, 'but there's a crazy guy inside who keeps tearing them up'.

 5

A fellow played the following trick on a Kerryman.
'Listen', he said, 'punch me on the hand as hard as you like', placing his hand up against a brick wall.
The Kerryman swung his fist but at the last moment the fellow pulled away his hand, and the Kerryman's fist went crashing into the brick wall. After a good laugh, the Kerryman decided to try out the trick on his friend.
'Listen', he said, 'punch me on the hand as hard as you like'. He looked around for a wall but he couldn't find one.
'We would really need a brick wall to do this trick properly, but never mind, I'll hold my hand in front of my face'.

6

An American tourist was boasting to a Kerryman about the fact that the Americans had just put a man on the moon.
That's nothing', said the Kerryman, we have plans to land a man on the sun'.
That's crazy', said the American, 'he would burn to a cinder before he got within a million miles of the sun'.
'We've thought of that too', said the Kerryman, 'we're sending him at night'.

7

A Kerryman got a job in a big house as a servant, but one afternoon he knocked over a priceless Ming vase and broke it into little pieces. "Good Heavens", said his employer, "do you realise what you have done? That vase was over a thousand years old." "Thank Goodness," said the Kerryman, "it was'nt a new one."