It's an oldie but a goodie. As so many students finish their final exams this month, here's a little sneak preview of the transformation you are about to undergo...

50 Things That Change When You Leave University:

1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
10. You carry an umbrella.
11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
12. You don't go to Tesco with all your friends.
13. You have standing orders and direct debits.
14. The heating works in your house.
15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
19. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.
22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
23. You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
25. You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
26. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
27. You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
28. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
29. You "hate scrounging students".
30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
32. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
33. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
34. You always know where you are when you wake up.
35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
37. You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
38. A 3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
40. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
41. You don't tolerate mice living in your kitchen.
42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
43. You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
44. You have vacuumed.
45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
46. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".
47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
48. You don't experiment with banned substances.
49. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
50. Lunchtime is not 'the morning'.

New drive-thru bank machines are here. Along with instructions on how to use them. Strangely, the instructions for women tend to go on a bit....

Bank Of Ireland is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new 'Drive-thru' cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to devise appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures which apply to you and remember them for when you use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind up window.
7. Drive away.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.
3. Re-start the stalled engine.
4. Wind down the window.
5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto the passenger seat to locate card.
6. Turn the radio down.
7. Attempt to insert card into the cash machine.
8. Open car door to allow easier access to the cash machine due to the excessive distance from the car.
9. Insert card.
10. After "Invalid Card' is displayed ? Remove Marks & Spencer Charge Card and insert correct Cash Point Card.
11. Remove Cash Point Card.
12. Re-insert Cash Point Card the right way up.
13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
14. Enter PIN.
15. Press 'Cancel' and re-enter correct PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required.
17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
18. Retrieve cash and receipt.
19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.
21. Re-check make-up.
22. Drive forward 2 metres.
23. Reverse back to cash machine.
24. Retrieve card.
25. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided.
26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
27. Drive for 2-3 miles.
28. Release hand brake