Rules That Men Wished Women Knew

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Saturday = Football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel fluff, Christmas Tree formation and carburettors.
8. Shopping is not a sport.
9. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
10. You have enough clothes.
11. You have too many shoes.
12. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
13. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
14. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometime.
15. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
16. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers.
17. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
18. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
19. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
20. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
23. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
24. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
25. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, neither do we.